Thoughts





HOME
So here I get to ramble on and on about random things.
I'm considering deleting this page, and just making it a link to my xanga journal, but I dont really have the heart to get rid of this page completely. For now, I deleted my old entries because they were strange. I might end up putting in some old poetry or something similar.

speaking of poetry.....

(Everything on this page is copyrighted to me)
Contemplation
I glance about the room whil'st I sit,
And I see'st a hundred eyes,
Unfortunately the funniest bit,
Could make me see not the lies.

I laugh so loud, later I'll cry,
This heavy heart is torn,
These feelings make me wish to die,
But it has already been born.

Do not fret my life, there now,
I will turn out fine,
Some things never change, and how?
For me there is no sign.

No heart has never been broken, I know,
And with these words, these seeds, I'll sow.

-------------------------


This poem is old, and kind of bad, but sometimes it can ring true when I feel rather upset. It was inspired by my friends that left me in like 8th grade.

Rock Bottom
I feel like I've hit rock bottom.
How do I get out?
I want to live,
I want to die,
I just don't care anymore.
So many caused me this death inside.
My soul has started to decay.
Give me life,
Give me death,
It doesn't matter to me anymore.
I try to love
But all they give is pain.
I've had it up to here,
I've cried,
I've died.
Look at what you've done!
I'm still alive, some of my soul has died,
But I will live.
I pray to god I do,
And I will live longer than tomorrow.

---------------------------


This was something I wrote for my AP US history class. It was probably the most fun poem I wrote for a class. I enjoyed this one a lot ^-^

The 60's
Once upon a distant time,
When a dime did cost a dime,
A land not so far from here,
Lived a generation dear?
They wore long hair and they smoked
Something you would call a toke,
And they wanted harmony.
Here comes a soliloquy!

I am not a crook,he said,
We all laughed then it was dead.

I don't see how people think,
Those hippies, boy, did they stink??
When you rally for a week,
With no showers you would seek
Something that did not smell bad
Something that would make you glad
You had it with you, but no
How could you think incense low,
When you never smelled it jerk!
Oh no! Just look! There he lurks?
A man in a tower, see?
Oh my! He shot Kennedy!
Of course, over, on the grass
Back up shooters, all did pass
Stupid committee said no,
Only one bullet did go
Through Kennedy, they did say.
On that fateful day in May.
Wait, it was in November,
Oh, that makes me remember
Many new books were written,
Catch-22, not all kittens!
To Kill A Mocking Bird too,
Was enough to make you blue.
Where the Wild Things Are was good,
Which at first was misunderstood,
Then it won awards and became
A classic and a new game.
Unfortunately in schools
Kids felt like they became fools.
There was a draft for the war,
No they had thought, not the Corps!
No one wants to die so young
From a gun shot to the lung.
Too bad, many hated those
Who fought there; could they suppose
That those who fought over there,
Lost a little more than hair?
Agent Orange did more than kill,
Some guys have side affects still,
Some passed it on to their kids,
Gov. keeps it under a lid,
No compensation for them
Cause it costs more than a hem.
Lets move on to brighter things,
We found out that Elvis sings,
(Forget that he stole those songs
From young blacks who had no wrongs)
Jimi Hendrix, amazing,
His songs were always blazing,
Bob Dylan was down with folk,
The Beetles also once spoke
Something about Jesus? Crap!
Then the public seemed to snap,
They later apologized
But they were still bastardized.
Oh yeah there was something new,
The synthesizers (were few)
They changed the music business
As if they were some illness.
Now lets move onto movies,
Nothing like the Goonies
Sex and violence often seen
Conservatives thought a fiend
Had taken over at night,
But it's more a people's fight,
They wanted what was on screen
They didn't have that routine.
James Bond became popular,
Old became irregular.
So now we go on further,
Race riots fueled by ether,
Blacks then were oppressed so much,
They fought back with just a touch
Of non-violence, and they sat
At lunch counters like cool cats,
Freedom Riders met and sang,
Songs against the vicious fang.
Women also rose to fame,
Wanting their own equal claim,
Off they ran into the night,
Burning bras was such a sight.
Something also happened too,
Bay of Pigs appealed to few.
Cuban Missile Crisis, damn,
Across the ocean some swam.
There, I said it; it's all done,
The Sixties: it weighed a ton.

--------------------------------------


I wrote this my senior year of highschool.

I Am From
I am from backyard forests,
From secret gardens, apple trees, and quiet deer.
I am from pouncing cats,
Chasing frogs and panting dogs,
Resting among scented flowers and the mossy ground.

I am from Aztec pyramids,
From spicy food, skeleton friends, and candy skulls.
With Abuelo's guitar, his recorded songs,
Spanish lyrics with hidden meanings.

I am from imagined worlds,
Dinosaurs and video games,
From Final Fantasy 3 for SNES, the Nightmare Before Christmas and the Hobbit.

I am from Toledo,
From polish food, Easter eggs, and eating with Nana and Mr. Ed.

I am from a family,
With older Richie who hugged my tears away,
And stayed close with Nick and I while my parents ran away.
I am from a broken home,
With a father who cheated on my mother,
Going from several different apartments and homes,
And remodeling the house of my childhood.

I am from a new family,
From a step-mom, two stepsisters, and a new Gram and Poppy.
I am from their farm,
Picking pears and blueberries
And making homemade applesauce.

I am from High School,
From florescent lights and loud lunches,
Feeling separate and being in love with the wrong people,
From making friends in other cities,
And loving those as different as I am.

I am from all these places
All these worlds,
Shaping my dreams,
And awakening me to reality.

--------------------------------------


Yes, I do write love poems from time to time. But this isnt one of them. It's about my abusive ex boyfriend. Although the end talks about someone new, I'm not with them anymore. I wrote this one a while ago.

Love is amazing and the love that is true
is unbelievable and never ever blue.
He'll make you feel like you were a dream
fallen from heaven or make it seem
like you were lost long ago and found again
and with that love, your pain he will mend.
Sometimes your love can hurt you with words,
sometimes he can shoot you like the birds
sometimes he can bend you and make pain
for all of this he will try to gain
some sort of pleasure, to make him feel better.
My dear, this is no sort of fake letter,
this poem is about a love that really was blue,
a love that was broken and not so true,
a love that was never really a love,
and this is where we point the gun at the dove.

I tried so hard to get him, I know
some people might have thought I really went low,
in fact I waited as long as I could,
and never knowing the fact that I should
have never tried because he would hurt me,
and so many times he would try to desert me,
but he would come back just as I did to him...
My lights around him were ever so dim.

At first it was little that brought me greif,
it was things with my family or friends at the least.
When I was with him I felt free for hours
and little did I feel the painful powers,
he would tease me on little things it seemed,
and taunt me on things that few would have deemed
not so annoying, then down at last
he would laugh at everything that occured in my past.
He would degrade me with words or looks,
and silly me, I thought it was the books
for school that made me stressed.
It wasnt until later that I confessed
that these things bothered me, so I asked him to stop
I asked so many times I could pop!
It was always "I'm sorry, I wont do it anymore"
Then five minutes later he added more to the score.
But this wasn't the only thing that bothered,
there were other things he did that fathered
the pain, that only now I can recognise
why I was sad, so now it is he I despise.

He relentlessly teased me on simple matters,
music and politics and sometimes food platters,
he always made fun of my favorites n such,
this I did not like very much,
but the worst of all was when he said that my writing was stupid
that what I write about is as real as cupid,
that the literature I adore and hold to my heart
that my writing is bad and that I should part
and do something else more realistic.
Does this sound to you like it's pessemistic?

But wait there's more to this story,
it's kind of interesting without being gory.
He would say my taste in stuff is bad
and that my writing is terrible, that made me mad.
But now to continue lets go into more,
what I did to settle the score.

At first I wasnt sure why I did it,
another boy kissed me, and I admit it,
I would spend more time with this odd little man,
and I'm sure my love wanted to hit me with a pan
or beat me around, or rape, or kill me...
But this other man he seemed to fill me
with a feeling that my love hadn't ever given.
And I did something wrong, I hope I could be forgiven
up in heaven, but down here on earth
more pain has been given birth.

Sometimes I cry when I think what I did,
sometimes I die because of what I hid.
But then sometimes I think it's okay,
because my love treated me like I was some kind of play,
and that didnt deserve any respect.
So this is what I now reflect:
Time can be hurtful, time can be cruel,
time can easily finish this duel
that occurs everyday that I am awake,
it's something that I will never shake.
Maybe someday I'll forgive my mistake.
It's forgiveness that easily cannot be faked
or made up, so this I hope will come real,
that I will understand more how I feel,
and realize what my actions have planned.
Sometimes I feel like I have been damned
by God to do what he or she wills.
Pain or happiness in other hearts I shall fill.

But anyway, I had cheated and lost,
the odd little man showed me the cost
and he left me for one of my friends.
He used to say that his love extends
out only to me, but this he lied
and once again my feelings had died.
He said to me once that he'll never find love,
and he can only pray to the angels above
that he'll find someone real to hold in his arms.
and this, to me, raised quite an alarm
he wont have a love that he wishes to be
but I suppose thats okay with me.
He made love to me, ignored me, then ran away,
this did make part of my heart decay,
he tried after my friend that I loved so dear.
She wont be with him anymore, so I hear.
Anyway hes gone, so I went back
to try to apologize to my love for my lack
of affection and being so crude
I was only treated in a way so rude,
I cried and was humble, I degraded myself with words
I was no better than the masses, I didn't fit with the herds,
I didn't know how to make up
so long ago did we break up...
So we went back together, we worked it out,
we decided to be friends and not take each other out.
We would fight sometimes then have make up sex.
How did I get myself into this mess?
After we made love he would tell me to leave,
to find someone else to make my soul heave
with happiness, I was no longer his.
We would get back together but then it would fizz,
he would love me one day then say "get out of my face"
Sometimes I think he would have used a can of mace.
He finally decided ONLY friends we would be,
and he said he would call every so often, you see.
But the phone never rang, if it ever did,
he would ask for a ride to work like a little kid.
The only other rare time he would ring
was when he was lonely and wanted a fling.
Someone to fuck and not have to worry
about their feelings, and he told me to hurry
because, I take, he was tired of jacking off,
and my response to that was that I would cough
and say I didnt feel like doing it tonite,
and have a feeling I could barely fight,
that I was getting angry that I regarded only for that,
and I wasn't a friend, to him I was a mat
that he could walk on and use when he pleased
(this is what was worse than the tease).
So I stayed away and rejected the favors he asked,
and the anger I had was kept under a mask.

Away I stayed and met another boy,
it wouldnt work I knew, but I wouldn't treat him like a toy,
after that fizzled I had a new love,
and he never pushed or tried to shove.

I dont know if this is my happy ending,
but now I'm back again to mending,
along with this boy, his name known to me,
also with a good friend, and a family.
Again I dont know if it'll last forever,
but here I go with this endeavor,
I hope I found love at last,
I hope no longer will pain be cast.
So goes the end of this story, though not finished,
I'm not about to say that im diminished,
I'm hoping I'll be happy and that I found the best,
for my new love does not cause me pain in my chest,
he doesnt make fun of my favorite bands
or my writing or games or for going to LANs
he takes care of me and I'll tell you this,
compared to this one, the old one was piss.

-----------------------------------------


"Here I Stay"

I could lie here next to you,
wondering what it would take
to open myself up to you,
this part of me I cannot fake.
but I just sit here and cry,
hoping to hear those words,
and I can hardly wonder why,
those words will go unheard.
tonite a part of me died,
away it burned like coal,
and even though I tried,
I still lost a part of my soul.
It's hard to even say this,
the way I see you in my dreams,
alone with a deep kiss,
my head inside, it screams.
I sit here alone, I cry,
waiting for a chance,
I can only deny
the way I have your glance.
------------------------------------------


I found a little truth thats strange to tell,
it may even be a bit harder to sell.
But its worth to read through so stay with me,
and hopefully you will be able to see.

I went through some terrible times,
especially with love and its terrible crimes.
But I came to realize something so true,
but when you first hear it, it might make you turn blue.

We grow up thinking that we need true love,
that we need someone to fit us like a glove.
We convince ourselves that we NEED this thing,
and we'll do whatever to attain these wings.

So we chase, and we chase, and we fall and we stumble.
We go on and prosper, but we fall and crumble.
We fight so hard to win the fight,
that we dont even realize that we've lost our sight.

You think you find love, and you feel like its sure.
You would bet all your money that it is your cure.
But then you start to feel hurt and daunted,
and you suddenly realize you are unwanted.

This isnt love, this isnt what you need.
It took me several tries to figure how to succeed.
I didnt need anyone else, I didnt need love,
I picked up my things, and I continued up above.

When you cant love yourself you get trapped into people.
If they asked to do it for love, you might jump off a steeple.
If you make it okay, they ask you to do it once more,
this time not so loving, and call you a whore.

But foolish are we, because we think its the one,
we would do it again until we are done.
Done with life and all that it is,
done with this horrible terrible biz.

So you end up in a hole bigger than the one before,
a hole in your soul that makes everything sore.
See the mess that you could get yourself into?
Its the same mess I've seen, the same one I knew.

I found it better now that I've known myself more,
that its easier to love yourself and kick those assholes out the door.
You may think you love them but if they hurt,
you should get rid of them and just leave them in the dirt.

I know this is true, you just wait and see,
the more you like yourself the easier it will be,
to find someone else that will treat you so much better,
whether its a friend or not, as long as its not a fetter.
-----------------------------------------


Too many nights I spent wishing I was with you
So many days I sat and hoped you would feel the same,

I miss you
I love you
These words could never say what I feel

I try in vain to reach you
But you arent there anymore
Lost in someone elses arms
I wish you could be mine.

I cry when I write these words
My soul spilled onto paper
But theres nothing I can do
To have you back

To have you back...

I miss you
I love you
These words could never express exactly what I feel

I dream of you
Embracing me
Kissing me
Loving me...

To have you back....

I would kill for you,
I would destroy everything you hate,
If it made you happy

I would fly to the ends of the world if you asked

Anything you ask
everything you ask
I would do in a heartbeat

I miss you
I love you
These words cant tell you how true it is

I would take away all your pains and sorrows
If only you would love me

Why can't you love me?
--------------------------------------


"Maybe They Dont Need To Know"

Have you ever wanted me?
Sitting next to you?
Have you ever desired me?
Talking here with you?
Have you ever thought a moment
Like this could feel so good?
Have you ever thought you shouldn't
Even though you would?
Have you ever questioned
what other people say?
Have you ever wondered
If it could be good this way?
Did you ever stop to think
Maybe they were wrong?
Is that why you gave in?
Do you think it made us strong?
I dont know what to say,
I dont know what to do,
I dont know what to think
when I lay here next to you.
All I really know
Is I enjoy what we have
And being here with you
Is really not so bad
I dont care what other people say,
I just want to be around you
Everyone else can go away.

And maybe they dont need to know.
---------------------------------------


This is for someone very dear to me. He has always been a good friend, and the least I could do is write him a sweet poem.

If I could make music,
I would write a cord so sweet,
nothing could sound better,
and you could feel my heartbeat.

If I could draw a picture,
I'd make it just for you,
something so pleasing to the eye,
it would cheer you up if you were blue.

If I could make a story,
I'd write about you and I,
A story of love and friendship,
That was greater than the sky.

If I could write a poem,
It would be simple and neat,
It would tell you how I felt,
and make your heart skip a beat.

But I can't make it as beautiful,
as your heart is to mine,
so I'll give you what I can,
and give you all my time.

Because you can't lose my time
or forget where its placed,
it can't be burned in a fire,
and it will always be easily traced.

It will always be there forever,
just like my love for you,
It wont lie or cheat or steal,
and it will never be taboo.

Take my time and my heart,
They will always love you.

---------------------------------------


This poem is from a long time ago, probably my sophmore year of highschool. It's rhythm is a little weird, but I like it.

"Question Poem - April 9"
Can you feel me near?
I swim in your blood and start in your brain,
I am born in your heart and live in your veins.
Can you sense me here?
I can make you knock over your wine, it will stain,
I can make you go crazy, you'll never be sane.
Can you taste the blood you spilled?
I am the beast that ravishes and destroys,
You cant stop me, there are no decoys.
Can this giant hole be filled?
You can't stop me from destroying a thousand Leroys,
I am always ready to deploy,
How can I be so sure?
Because you wont stop me,
YOU let me be.
Do you never want to be pure?
Yes, I know because your thoughts I see,
You let me destroy, it's you, not me.


---------------------------------------------


This too is a poem from highschool, also probably from my sophmore year.

"Dramatic poem - March 13"

When you sleep, what do you dream?
When you dream, how does it seem?
When you listen to lyrics of a song, how do you feel?
When your heart is broken, how do you heal?
When love is lost,
And dreams are crushed,
When friends come at a cost,
And music is rushed,
When you break down and cry a pool of tears,
When your sleep is interrupted by your fears,
This is when we're at our worst,
When our imagination itself is burst.
Yet from that pain and hurt and fear,
We're given another chance,
Something worth to give a cheer,
Because your imagination is your lance.



---------------------------------------------


I dont exactly remember who this was for in the beginning. I'm pretty sure it was for Matt S, but its lost his meaning to him at this point in time. So lets just say its for my very close friends.


Love
My poems arent very good,
And my writing is okay,
I dont use grammer as I should,
And sometimes I dont know what to say.

I could be cliche as I write,
This love poem just for you,
Saying your love gives me wings and sight,
And makes me better if I'm blue.

I could say your love is like fire,
coursing through my veins,
no longer could things be dire,
And your love has my horses by the reins.

I could say a fancier thing,
And pretty this up with more words,
It might have a better ring,
I could go along with the herds.

But all I want to say is I love you,
It's simple, and its a fact,
No amount of words could explain how true,
And it isnt just an act.

"I love you" is all I need to say,
It's filled with more emotion than people know,
So much that by the end of the day,
The love will continue to flow.

I will love you forever,
or at least as long as you let me.


-------------------------------------------------


Happy birthday Sarah Machol

Tonight is such a night,
Where I look up to the sky,
Inside it calms down a fright
And removes my will to die.

'Cause when I look up to the stars,
I remember your voice
Singing songs we sang in cars
Things we loved by choice.

I remember the laughs we had,
And the crazy games we played;
I remember the times that were bad,
I remember the foundation we laid.

I think of a million memories,
Flying through my head,
I remember a dozen fallacies,
And how we both wished we were dead.

Most of all I remember your laugh
And how well it went with mine,
It cleansed my soul as a bath
And served as a feast to dine.

So on your birthday I reflect
And think of the short time we did share,
I ponder the many miles we trekked,
And the many burdens we did bear.

But most of all I smile
Because of the love we share,
And your number I'll always dial
Because I know how much you care.


-------------------------------------------


of all the people I have met,
I have never known a more caring, nurturing, kind, and loving individual.
You take care of your friends, your family,
you help those that are close, and you love those that are far.
I never known anyone who spent so much time trying to be there for those that need it.
you help people even when they dont ask, but obviously need to be aided.
you can sense when people are having a hard time and strive to make it right.
you are supportive, dependable, responsible, and loyal.
you are everything people should be to make the world a better place.


Of all the people I have dated,
I have never known such an enduring, devoted, pure, and everlasting love.
you take care of me,
you help me when I am close, and you give me life when I am far,
I have never known anyone who spent so much time trying to care and love me even before I was handicapped.
you help me even when I cant ask, but I obviously need it.
you can sense when I am having a hard time, and you strive to make it better.
you are everything I have ever wanted in a person, and more.
you make my world a better place.


you are my eternal love, and I am forever devoted to you. You have proven to be everything for me.
And my only hope is that I can somehow return all this passion and love you have given me over the years.


Te Amo, mi amor.
Me haces Feliz, (you make me happy)
Eres el amor de mi vida. (you are the love of my life)
Quiero estar contigo para siempre. (I want to be with you forever)
Te quiero con todo mi corazon... (I love you with all my heart)
Cada día te quiero más que ayer y menos que mañana, (I love you more than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow)
no puedo vivir sin a ti (I cant live without you)
Eres mi alma gemela. (you are my soul mate)


Este amor es lo mas bello del mundo =) (this is the most beautiful love in the world)


Happy birthday <3

-------------------------------------------



All Copyright Christine Shara